Just For Moms

Magical Mirror Moments:
The Importance of Role Model Moms

When you look in the mirror, who do you see looking back at you? Is the person you see a reflection of who you are and how you feel?

Once upon a time, you were a young girl, with dreams and fantasies. Perhaps you fantasized about the woman you would one day become. Is the woman you see in the mirror, the same woman you aspired to be when you were a little girl? In all fairness, that is too difficult a question to answer simplistically.

Yet, when our daughters look at us, whom do they see? Do they see us- their mothers - as we desire to be seen? What images and behaviors do we reflect to our daughters?

I believe one of the best mirrors is the reflection of one’s image through the eyes of another person – especially a loved one, such as a daughter. One day, that little girl will grow up and she too will look in the mirror seeing a woman’s image reflecting back to her. Who will she see staring back at her?

Whether you realize it or not, you are teaching your daughter how to feel about herself through the behaviors that you model. If you feel good about yourself, she will see that in you and learn ways to feel good about herself based on what she sees you do. Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Trust that she will imitate you in numerous ways as she learns from you and her environment.

The behaviors you model influence your daughter’s perceptions of image consciousness and her ensuing behaviors. Regardless of what she sees when she looks in the mirror, how she feels about what she sees will be an important determinant in her acceptance of her self-image regardless of how others may see her. Her inner strength will be fortified by your ability to demonstrate unconditional positive regard of yourself and of her. We might convince ourselves as mothers to sacrifice ourselves for the benefit of our children, but we should know better by now. That does not work – never did and never will. The only thing that truly works is when we model what it should be – when we learn to take care of ourselves, seek our inner peace and happiness and learn ways to capitalize on our assets and avoid self-destructing.

Conversation Starter: The next time you look in the mirror, invite your daughter to join you. Share what you see – of yourselves and each other. If you allow yourselves enough time to play in the mirror, you will begin to see things reflected back to you that you may not have seen before, or haven’t for a long time. It could be a smile, a new hairstyle or the resemblance your daughter has to you or another family member. You may be reminded of a special moment you shared with your mother or sibling as you primped and posed in front of the mirror. These special times will soon become special memories reflecting whatever it was that the two of you saw and shared in those magical mirror moments.

Dr. Brooks